Candy (short for Candice)
New York, 19
-math & political science
-looking at food
-working up the nerve to spend five weeks in Korea this summer omg
-grey's anatomy (gray's anatomy??)
-talking to myself
-I love to read
-idk i'm really into anything that holds my attention for more than five seconds, sorry
alright. i didn’t plan to get into this today but you seem interested in doing this so let’s do it. here’s your previous message:
"if you prefer solo masturbation to good sex, you’ve had some really bad sex"
so efficiency means a tragic backstory? getting carnal urges out of the way to focus on more important things means i need to get some of that good dick so i can appreciate sex? i need to pause my life so a man can sex me up in a way he feels is sufficient? huh.
"the threat of sex isn’t a threat if you god forbid bow down to the evil patriarchy and use the pill"
gosh, that’s a bit patronizing for someone claiming a stance of non-sexism. have you considered that there are other issues with the pill outside of "men made it, youll get fat if u use it cos men hate women" (a direct quote from you)? such as the increased chances of mental and emotional unbalance for three whole months as your body reworks everything it knows about itself around one pill, a particularly scary thing to consider when your family has a history of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia?
or maybe the fuckton of literature that is provided with a new birth control prescription that lists a variety of problems (most commonly blood pressure related) which are especially daunting if you already have heart problems?
maybe sometimes not using the pill isn’t about the patriarchy. but why would something ever not be about men, right?
"yeah, cool, guys can’t match up to a foot long vibrating pole. they get it." by “they” i think you mean “we.”
most vibrators, dear lost little anon, measure under seven inches. what you’re thinking of are those giant dildos in sex shops that make just about everyone giggle. a foot is twelve inches. a vagina averages around five to six inches (when aroused, three to four otherwise). meaning a woman such as myself can get off plenty on five inches, vibrating or not. the only difference is you just don’t know how to use the five inches you were given, while i know exactly how to use the five inches i gave myself.
"be honest cuddling isnt particularly awkward"
i once hooked up with a guy - and it was clearly only going to be a one night stand - and when i got out of bed the next morning to leave, he whined and asked me to stay a little longer. i was a little annoyed but agreed (for half an hour) and he held onto me in a very familiar way for someone i’d just met in a bar the night before. i felt uncomfortable because the thing we participated in was physical, not emotional. if you think just holding a warm body counts as intimacy, you’ve got a lot to learn.
now that we’ve read that last part, i think you can re-examine this and tell me where you went wrong: "if you prefer pleasuring yourself over getting intimate with someone, male or female, you have either had horrifically bad sex in the past or some serious masturbation turbo settings"/"if you prefer to just quickly get it out of the way then spend time being intimate with ANYONE, it’s a pretty unusual thing"
see it? no? alright, i’ll break it down for you.
women are systematically trained to entangle “sex” with “love” and “physical” with “emotional.” we are filled with images of men and women consummating their love with sex and we learn to interpret that as the way things go. if you weren’t aware, that’s not how they go. it’s been engrained in us to believe we can’t function properly without the love of a man and that’s total bullshit.
if you want to share an emotional connection with someone, you can. but it doesn’t require sex. and a physical connection doesn’t require an emotional connection. considering this, masturbating actually becomes important for women because it helps them to untangle “sex” and “love.” sex is not inherently emotional. learning this gives women freedom so they don’t feel like they need to text that douchebag or an abusive ex just to get their rocks off.
personally, i don’t fear intimacy nor do i thrust my vibrator up into the sky and scream “FEMINISM!” right before i masturbate. i’d love to become emotionally and physically intimate with someone. am i counting down the days until that happens? nah. and why the fuck do i have to wait until that day comes along before i can have any form of pleasure? am i supposed to wait until my knight in shining armor shows up and fucks me into the woman i’m supposed to be? or can i enjoy an orgasm on my own without greyfaces writing it off as a character flaw?
you are right in one respect though - it is ”absolutely fuck all to do with female emancipation/independance from men”
because it’s not about obtaining independence from men. it’s about obtaining independence.
it’s got nothing to do with men at all.
CAN YOU HEAR THAT FUCKIN’ MIC DROP.
i got 99 problems and here are four of them: poor time management, lack of priorities, fear of intimacy, and emotional immaturity. follow for an upcoming detailed list of the other 96.